Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
