Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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