I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
