Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
