I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
