You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
