So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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