I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize