Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
