I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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