don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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