Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
that may or may not have been my penis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
