I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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