i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
