The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry my hands just texted you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
