Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
