They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
