tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize