Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
