I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
