cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
