So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
