it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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