check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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