Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
