Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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