Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
