Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
