fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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