Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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