Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
