John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
