I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize