Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Acid is not a monday night drug
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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