Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
