My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
