not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
