She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
