I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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