plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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