It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
