Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
