You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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