This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
