new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
