Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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