We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
