Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
