Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
