I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
