If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
