I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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