Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
