i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she looked like the before picture.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
