So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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