I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
