I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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