Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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