You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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