we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
