what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize