Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
