I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
