Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
