I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
