yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
