I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
