i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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