I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
