You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize