Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you didnt know i had herpes?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
