so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
