I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
