I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
