Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
