Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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