I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
