you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
