if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
