I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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