she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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