I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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