This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My ass is underappreciated
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
