After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
