My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
