About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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