I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
