R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
