A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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