Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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