ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
