I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
