Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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