He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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