he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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