i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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