Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
