just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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