So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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