i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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